One verse in the Quran often brings up intense discussion: the reference to “striking” one's wife. To truly understand the meaning and context, we must take a closer look at what this verse intends, its limits, and how it should be applied as a last resort in extreme situations. The guidance here is framed within a context of justice, compassion, and kindness.
The Context: Treating Wives Well
Islam places a strong emphasis on treating spouses with respect, love, and understanding. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) frequently emphasised kindness towards wives, and there are countless verses in the Quran promoting just and compassionate treatment. This instruction to "strike" appears only after all other steps have been exhausted—and only as an absolute last resort.
Understanding Naashiz: The Trigger for Last Resort Measures
The term naashiz describes a serious and ongoing rebelliousness or disregard for the principles of a respectful marital relationship. If a wife is naashiz, a husband is advised to first try other means, such as:
- Gentle Reminders – Speaking kindly and reminding her of mutual respect.
- Separate Living Arrangements – Sleeping in different rooms as a sign of serious discontent.
Only if these steps have been taken, and there is absolutely no improvement, can the husband consider striking as a last resort.
Striking: What It Really Means
It’s important to understand that striking here is highly restricted and comes with very specific conditions:
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It Must Cause No Harm – Scholars, including Abd Allah ibn Abbas, have emphasized that striking should not be done to cause pain. This is not a physical punishment but rather a symbolic action. He even suggested it could be something as soft as using a miswak (a small toothstick) or a folded handkerchief. This shows the intent is not harm but rather a sign of frustration and seriousness.
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The Prophet’s (PBUH) Example – The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) himself demonstrated restraint and compassion even when unhappy with his own wives. He went through all the steps—speaking, reminding, and temporarily withdrawing—but he never struck. In fact, he taught that men who strike their wives are the “worst of men,” showing that while it may be permissible as a last resort, it is far better to avoid it.
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Conditions for Striking
- Last Resort – All other measures must be tried first.
- Calm Mindset – It cannot be done in a state of anger.
- Dignity and Respect – The face or head cannot be struck, and it must be done privately.
- Expectation of Improvement – The husband should feel that this will bring positive change. If he believes it will only worsen the situation, he should avoid it.
Why Was This Verse Necessary?
Before Islam, it was common in many societies for men to beat their wives openly. Islam placed strict limits on this, allowing it only under extreme circumstances and with very controlled guidelines. By setting such conditions, the Quran was not encouraging violence but actually restricting it, putting in place compassion and restraint.
This verse does not give men open permission to control or harm their wives. Instead, it places strict conditions on a practice that was prevalent before Islam and only permits it as an extreme, last-resort measure. The real message here is one of patience, compassion, and respect within marriage.